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With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I cannot help but dwell on who might be coming to dinner.

One of my male relatives brought home a date for Thanksgiving who could have been Barbie's twin sister.

She was blonde, thin, big-bosomed, and even had a Germanic name.

Try as I might to suppress the reaction, I experience black men's choice of white women as a personal rejection of the group in which I am a part, of African American women as a whole, who have always been devalued in this society.

Certainly my reaction links back to a few bad apples in my own young dating years.

While interracial marriage rates in this country have grown remarkably to 8.4 percent in 2010, Americans still marry within their own racial group the majority of the time.

And when people do venture across the color line to date, they do so in ways that continue to affirm a social hierarchy based on race in which whiteness is prized.

Two of my younger male relatives have recently been engaged to white women, and one tied the knot last summer.

This is a pattern that I have observed in my professional life for years: successful black men pairing up with white women, but now that the practice has come home to roost, so to speak, I cannot help but admit to feeling a bit demoralized.

I wish my male relatives luck and joy in their relationships, but I also feel a pinch when I watch them with their girlfriends.

It is the same sharp tug of disappointment that gets me every time I see a black man with a white woman on his arm.

But personal moments of rejection are not the driving force behind my resentful feelings about black male-white female relationships now.

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