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In an ecstatic state one "projects" qualities onto one's partner that they do not possess. Three important components of love are intellectual commitment, intimacy, both sexual and emotional, and sexual passion.

It sounds as if you already have the emotional intimacy and it's this that is so important in any long-term relationship.

They'd be into the bath, down to the florists (via the chemist) and presenting themselves on the appropriate doorstep with a broad grin.

As the philosopher said, life is not a dress rehearsal. NICHOLAS DIXEY via e-mail Don't be used just as a stud This sounds fine in theory, but warning bells are ringing in my head.

Firstly, in my personal experience, I have never known a woman enter into a relationship for reasons of friendship, without finding that she then falls in love and wants more.

"But don't women these days see sex in a much more take-it-or-leave it way than they used to?

" I asked my son, having been fed this fuck-'em- and-chuck-'em line by a diet of movies, women's magazines and telly sitcoms. "Of course there is the odd one, but they're usually a bit screwy." Unless this woman is one of the screwy ones, then, Max will find that including sex in the relationship will change it drastically.

It was further complicated by her having a six-month-old daughter, Hannah, by another man long consigned to history.

I dithered for ages as I too didn't feel that I loved her.Therefore, although it may not necessarily work for Max, if he doesn't try it, he'll never know - which is the worst scenario of all. I'm terribly impressed that you are now getting messages from beyond the grave, because I'm quite certain that Max has died and gone to Heaven!There are millions of blokes the world over who, confronted with the possibility of a lavish sex life with no strings attached, would not be dithering and writing to newspapers about it.A lover can be a friend as well as a lover, but an ex-lover is hard to turn into a friend until lots of time has passed.Now sex may destroy the platonic friendship, but it might lead to something deeper and more permanent.But, at this stage, I think he should probably say no.

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